Validation – it’s the new blogging black

by Cheryl, posted on August 11th, 2011 in BlogHer, Parenting

I used to have a job. A paying job. A job that came with a certain amount of status. A job where a lot of people knew who I was and respected what I did.

Validation. My career was my life and I did it well and that’s where I derived much of my self esteem.

Then I left my career for a new one.

With absolutely no validation.

Where I had no idea what I was doing or if I was doing it correctly at all. And if I did it well, nobody noticed. No one said “You’re doing a great job.” And nobody paid me for working 24-7-365 without even a private moment in the bathroom.

It’s called Motherhood.

And it’s the most amazing and heart-wrenching and exhausting and exhilarating and impossible job on the planet. I couldn’t imagine my life without it.

But I needed to get my words out again. So I started a blog back in 2006, to document my kids’ lives. And then it grew.

There is a reason so many women – especially those of us who left our careers to stay at home – are attracted to blogging.

Comments. Traffic. Community. These became the new currency of feel goodedness.

Validation.

Until it isn’t. Because there is only so much you can control in the blogosphere. Your content can rock but you might no longer be the hot flavor. So your stats dip and your comments wane and you take it personally because clearly nobody likes you anymore and you are living and dying by things that really might have nothing to do with you at all.

And it sucks.

I go to a big blogging conference and it feels awesome. I wear big-girl shoes and dry-clean only clothes and I realize how many friends I have in this bloggy world. There are even some women who are actually thrilled to meet me. ME! Who like what I do and who I am in this space.

Validation.

But it’s at a cost. How much time have I been typing and not paying attention to my kids playing behind me? How much stress have I felt about getting a post up? How disappointed have I been from a tour through statcounter?

We get so caught up in things that ultimately are not important. We get caught up in wanting – in needing – that outside validation. It’s a high. It’s intoxicating. It really is. We feel important. We feel like we matter. We feel like we are more.

These are not bad things to desire. Or to feel. We all want to matter. And as much as we love our kids, they spend most of the time testing us and telling us “NO!” and questioning everything we do. Those of us with little kids get small bones thrown our way: someone compliments our child for being polite, we see our child be kind without prompting, we watch them work hard and succeed at something.

Small things. But infinitely more important.

And so I wonder what is next.

Perspective.

What do you think? Also, I must give a special thank you to the amazing Lee Vandeman who listened and understood when I bent her ear about this Saturday night. I love you!

Tags: blogging, validation, what does it all mean, working

Comments

63 Responses to “Validation – it’s the new blogging black”

Cheryl D. Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 1:38 am

I was wondering if BlogHer ’11 gave you some of that mojo back.
Cheryl D. recently posted..Here’s to All the Quirky People!

[Reply]
hilljean Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 2:58 am

Wow. That’s some good perspective right there. It definitely is wonderful to receive “validation” from the blogosphere. So much of our lives as moms go unnoticed, but when we blog about the the mundane (but totally challenging) things we face everyday we get to step back and feel good for a minute. You gave me a lot to think about here. Great post!
hilljean recently posted..Wordful Wednesday: Our Christmas Card Family

[Reply]
Lance Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 6:29 am

I write for myself. If other people like it, thats cool. I know that’s arrogant and almost a direct quote from Bob Dyland but it’s how I feel.

Cheryl, you and I have identiical former careers. I found little validation from being a reporter and a lot of burn out. I had people back then tell me I was good or I was bad.

With writing online or blogging, whatever, it’s more personal. The people who read me go out of their way to do so. I appreciate that. I don’t get off on the attention, I just dig it.

I enjoyed your post. People lose perspective when they deal with the internets. Thanks for providing some.

Go Braves
Lance recently posted..Malibu

[Reply]
Merri Ann Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 8:28 am

This is something I’ve been thinking about, too. When I was blogging regularly, my blog was growing too fast … I was answering emails and thinking about it almost nonstop. One day I snapped at one of the kids for interruping me and I lost my train of thought … that was the day I decided to rethink my priorities.

I’ve been so much happier. This time is going by so fast … my oldest is starting Kindergarten next month.

Once my kids are all in school full time, I might take it up again …

Lots to think about in your post …

[Reply]
Evonne Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 10:15 am

I’ve been thinking about this, too. Lately I haven’t felt much validation in regards to blogging. I think it is about perspective.
Evonne recently posted..So much to say – I feel like DMB

[Reply]
Sara @ PeriwinklePapi Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 10:18 am

This is so incredibly timely for me. Totally identified. So what is next?
Sara @ PeriwinklePapi recently posted..Mom’s Recipe: Susan’s Penne with Tomatoes and Basil

[Reply]
Johanna Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 10:19 am

True, when we give up our jobs we give up our validation and it’s hard to find that in the mothering world. Blogging does fill up some of that (and of course it puts a smile on my face when I get a new follower) but I think the most important thing is that whatever your doing makes you happy.
Johanna recently posted..Wackiness Ensues at Unedited

[Reply]
Alison@Mama Wants This Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 10:46 am

Interesting post Cheryl. I’m not where you are already, with 5 years of blogging under your belt. I’m barely 5 months in, so I’m still enjoying the validation I get from blogging.

It is a matter of perspective. I think the important thing is to go to the core of why you blog. Is it really for the validation? Or has it now become one of connection and friendship? If you gave it up, what will you lose and gain?

More questions, no answers for ya!
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Tasty Thursday: Coconut Bread

[Reply]
Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 11:27 am

Validation. I believe we all seek this. Someone to say, I see, hear and understand you. It’s a universal want.
Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri recently posted..Brush Strokes Of An Ordinary Life

[Reply]
the mombshell Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 11:36 am

My thoughts exactly, except with less ‘f’ words and more ‘-tion’ words and with greater aesthetic in general.
the mombshell recently posted..while you’re at BlogHer, I ‘ll be enjoying 6 years of wedded bliss. get some perspective people.

[Reply]
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 11:59 am

You and I must share a brain.

I wonder OFTEN what the hell I am doing. I think I am finally at a point where the stats mean less, the # of comments mean less and I am just doing what I want to do. I am also a tough bitch and what you see is what you get…I ain’t gonna kiss anyone’s ass.

To be honest, I was hoping BlogHer would *spark* and *inspire* me…and alas, the opposite occurred.
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation recently posted..A Picture Worth a Thousand Words

[Reply]
Nichole Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Yes, yes, exactly, yes, and perfectly put.
Honestly, it’s a tough thing. I have up days and down days.
And when I reach a goal, it isn’t enough. I keep moving the goal line.
Great post…I think it will resonate with so many of us.
Nichole recently posted..BlogHer ’11 Recap: Now I Need a Nap

[Reply]
Carolyn (temysmom) Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 12:04 pm

I think we all need validation of one kind or another. I know BlogHer may not necessarily have given me validation, but it did give me a new focus for my blogging future… and it allowed me to focus solely on ME and MY goals for a few days. I came home with a renewed sense of self and I am definitely a better mother for it.
Carolyn (temysmom) recently posted..Probiotics: The Result

[Reply]
Elizabeth Flora Ross Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 12:09 pm

What do I think? I think you are awesome, Cheryl! And I totally get this. Not sure how to even put into words how much I get this. I’ve been struggling with a lot of the issues you’ve brought up. Have regularly threatened to shut my blog down. I feel like I am accomplishing nothing. And that does suck.

[Reply]
TheNextMartha Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 12:17 pm

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good when someone says that I’m funny or entertaining. When my kid asked me for his obligatory souvenir, I handed him a coaster. *I* thought it was hilarious. He started crying. I love my kids and husband and I know they love me but getting an outside opinion or recognition is important for me. It’s the one little thing that says to me “You are a mother, wife, but you are also you” I went many years without having me. I like me and if anyone else does too? It feels great. (I should mention that I do not get into the stats or numbers side of blogging, that probably helps)

[Reply]
Hopes@Staying Afloat Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 12:18 pm

I’m brand new to everything about blogging, but I’m loving it. I’m loving the community the connections and yes the validation. Mostly the validation that I’m not alone in the way I feel about life, and parenting my boys. I’ve found a much needed outlet. I hope I always keep this perspective!

Great post!! FAB-U-LOUS blog!
Hopes@Staying Afloat recently posted..Things That Simply Should NOT Be On TV

[Reply]
jenny Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Wow. WOW WOW WOW. Want to know why people (ahem) are thrilled to meet you? Posts like these are why. Because you are the voice of a movement, my dear friend. You write words that live in the hearts of so many. YES to validation being a major part of why I blog. And as a little blogger with no traffic to speak of, it’s being recognized by people I look up to (ahem again) that’s a major part of that validation. TRIPLE YES to perspective. Because when I came home from BlogHer and started processing, despite how amazing and inspirational it all was, I also needed to take a hard look in the mirror. Who am I? Mom first. Blogger second. It’s just too easy to forget that sometimes.
…and now I’m off to scour this blog for my shout out because it’s here somewhere and it will ROCK MY WORLD. Clearly more perspective needed
xoxoxo
jenny recently posted..This Little Mama Stayed Home

[Reply]
Mrs. Jen B Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 12:27 pm

At the end of the day, it IS about validation, now that I think about it. There’s always a tinge of that need flowing through everything. Yes, I am appreciated at my job but I need to feel like I’m doing a good job at something I enjoy, not something I have to do.
Mrs. Jen B recently posted..Chocolate Pudding Cake Revisited

[Reply]
Leigh Ann Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 12:34 pm

I have never felt so good about my blogging than when I started blogging publicly. And I have at times never felt so bad about my blog as when I started blogging publicly. Damn you vicious circle!
Leigh Ann recently posted..What I love about him

[Reply]
NotJustAnotherJennifer Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Your comment about not blogging anymore makes sense now. I completely understand what you are saying. Though I don’t stay home with my kids. Which is why my blog suffers – I don’t work on it at home much. Lunch breaks or slow times at work. A little in the evening after the family is in bed.

Whether we work outside the home or not, women – mothers – are pulled in a million directions. I imagine you are like me in that, I want to do everything 100%. I want to be the best wife I can be, the best mother I can be, the best worker I can be, the best writer I can be, have the best blog I can have, etc. But there’s not enough of me to go around. So I can either settle for mediocrity in all areas, or eliminate some to focus on others. I’m very blessed and thankful for my life. Yet disappointed at times as well, purely of my own doing for taking such an extreme view of things.

That said, if you feel the need to hang up your blogging hat for a time, I would miss your words, but I would completely support your decision. And while I totally get the validation and excitement that comes from blogging, I sense that you need to write. The validation came later.

So maybe minimizing the reach is what you need? Just posting to write for you. Comments closed. Social media limited. Stepping down from leading TRDC for awhile. I haven’t had the opportunity to be a SAHM so I don’t know if I would feel a need for validation (I don’t get any pats on the back at work, so not sure it would be different, LOL), but maybe there’s a way to find it in other things you do.

Hugs to you, my friend.
NotJustAnotherJennifer recently posted..Shell’s Summer Link Up

[Reply]
Julie Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I think every blogger goes through this. The wondering if what we are doing really matters. Wondering if we need to step back and re-evaluate everything. I hope you figure out what is best for you. We’re all here to support you!
Julie recently posted..Wisdom Wednesday: Make Time for You…

[Reply]
SurferWife Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 12:49 pm

I know, I know. I haven’t been the flavor of the month for nearly a year now according to my stats and comments.

But that’s ok. As long as I am one of your favorite flavors, I am validated.
SurferWife recently posted..Operation Glory FlashMob at BlogHer. Just how drunk was I?

[Reply]
Lucky Dame Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 12:50 pm

I definitely do not write for validation since I really don’t have a high reader count. LOL But, then again, I don’t really open up on my blog. Double-edge sword.

It’s nice to have a sense of community. I remember back in the day (2000-2001) when Yahoo Groups were pretty big and I had one that I went to daily, hell, hourly. A bunch of like-minded gals….a few became very good friends IRL and I’m so grateful. It was nice to get to work and see emails/comments waiting for me. I felt special in the big old internet.

Validation is always nice but I need to remember that it’s not everything. It’s what I think. Know what I mean?

[Reply]
Kimberly Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 1:16 pm

I needed to hear this from a big time blogging lady like yourself…
I am in a blog/life rut where I started to think that maybe blogging is sucking too much out of me and my family. While I love to write and I love the connections, I also love life outside of this little screen…ya know.
Blogging is so much work. You work to put out good content. You work to hit all the blogs and read and comment so that they will come and read you and get those numbers up…oy.
I decided that when the blogging was becoming more of an irritation than anything, that I needed to stop and breath and re-evaluate what it is that I’m doing here.
Actually, it’s my whole life that I’m pondering. I’m finding that the less I spend on the internet, the more time I spend with my son and my family and friends. I do miss my internet friends but something in my life had to give.
I guess it is what is important to you. What makes you happy?
I’m learning to find that everyday. It’s hard.
Xoxo
Kimberly recently posted..But It Never Came

[Reply]
Theta Mom Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 1:18 pm

I don’t know where to start except for starting with – YOU. ARE.AWESOME. and every bit of your awesomeness beams through this post Cheryl.

I’ve been blogging for what feels like ten years and has only been for more than two, but I can tell you that I understand every single ounce of this post. I’ve written about blogging mojo and validation before and I’m in a MUCH different space right now than I even was 6 months or a year ago. I’ve been around long enough to see the cycle and I have SO been where you are.

Go hug your kids and only blog when you fit it into your life instead of the other way around.

I could keep going on and on with this comment, but instead-maybe I’ll just email you.

Excellent post.
xoxo

[Reply]
Sue Robinson Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 1:32 pm

I totally agree with everything you said. I love blogging and it does give be validation. A validation I feel I have lost once I left work and chose to stay at home with my kids. It is hard to be at home, alone, with nothing tangible that tells you you are doing a fantastic job. I mean, unless you count the fact that your children are still alive and breathing. I underestimated the effects motherhood and staying at home would have on my sense of identity and relavence in the world. I totally get what you are saying.
Sue Robinson recently posted..wordless wednesday

[Reply]
Jessica Anne Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 1:39 pm

I really relate to this. I’ve been struggling with the same thing for a while now. What’s the point, really? My conclusion is I want to make some friends and write some. But I’m not going to stress about it or worry what my numbers are doing or how many people are commenting. I backed down on how often I post. I stopped forcing myself to participate in memes regularly if I didn’t feel like it. And I just don’t post sometimes. And I’m trying to pay more attention to my children than my blog. Perspective.
Jessica Anne recently posted..10 Things I learned at BlogHer

[Reply]
Christina Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Ah yes. The blogging battle. After years of working and interacting with adults, I cherish the interaction and connections that blogging has brought to my life (you are definitely one of them). Time management and getting caught up in all the other “stuff” that comes along with blogging is difficult to manage but then I think about the amazing people I have met and the outlet that I so need, desire and crave… I don’t know where I’m going with all this so I’m just going to end it with a big LOVE YOU!
Christina recently posted..Real. Love. Connections.

[Reply]
Paulette Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Exactly. I used to work at a paying job and had the oldest in child care. Then I had Bridge. That changed everything. I became Stay at Home Mom and started to love it and resent the jokes about how easy breezy life now was for me. (no ill will towards working moms intended)I found online gaming I could do and fit in. Became obsessed cause finally I had something to excite me. A handful of months ago I found blogs and started reading. Then decided I can do this. I have to do this. Mostly cause I needed to have something that was once again mine. Especially after moving in with the in laws. I try not to get obsessed over how many comments or hits I get or don’t get. What you said here in this post, is spot on. I fit blogging in when my kids are other wise well occupied. Sometimes at night if I can get hubs lap top. They go back to school soon. I’m wondering if that will make blogging easier.
Paulette recently posted..Clay Bowls Full of Love & Memories

[Reply]
Jackie Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Thank you for this post. I was never as obsessed with stats and numbers as much as I have been lately. I have been working hard on making my blog better, but this post made me realize that I shouldn’t be because I really do get the most validation when I hear how wonderful my son behaves and what a great mother I am. Blogging is my hobby. I enjoy it, but family is my priority. It’s hard work being a wife and a mommy, but it is rewarding.
Jackie recently posted..The Stalker

[Reply]
Krista Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Validation. Yes.
That’s what I’ve been looking for. At work where my budget & programs were taken with the sale of our company leaving me employed but sort of hating my job. Appling for new jobs and getting rejection letters. Wondering what I’m doing with my blog and the words I write there. And just when the frustration peaks, I see my kids and feel better, happier. But maybe not validated. And then I feel like needing the validaton is like being greedy. Or something.
Krista recently posted..May these children teach me well

[Reply]
Kim at Let Me Start By Saying Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I do want the validation of knowing people want to read my work. So seeing more subscribers, more fans, more followers, more comments do make me feel like I’m on the right track.

But when those numbers plateau? I remind myself that my blog is my story. It is used to help me become a better writer in My Big Picture. I can see that my work is improving, that my (fiction) book is getting better because of my blog. So that makes me feel validated as well. And that’s just me patting myself on the back.

I guess it depends on what your goals for your blog are. The purpose. The hope.
Kim at Let Me Start By Saying recently posted..This Stupid Breeze

[Reply]
Jen Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I so love this post. I totally understand it.

I too get wrapped up in the ‘numbers’ game of blogging and it is at those times that I force myself to remember the reason I do it.

I blog because to connect with people and because I really love telling stories and writing. Although, having good stats is awesome, its not a reason to blog.

And there should be no (self) pressure to blog.
Jen recently posted..Never Fear a Smelly Night Again

[Reply]
Kir Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I think about this often, especially when I am giving a lot (or I think I am) and it’s not coming back.

I am a firm believer in karma but I am also very thin skinned so I need that love and validation from time to time.

this was so beautifully put. I don’t normally blog etc on the weekends, I stay off twitter and FB and pay attention to my boys, I read “Twas the Night Before Christmas ” one more time for Jacob or play with the matchbox cars with Gio as long as he wants to. I prayed for and wanted these babies, and I will be in their world as much as I can be.

as always, you’ll have me pondering for days.
Kir recently posted..Proud Mommy Moments: Tracy from Sellabit Mum is Visting

[Reply]
tracy Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Yes, yes and more yes. I don’t have the answers but I feel much the same.

I need more wine.
tracy recently posted..Proud Mommy Moment…

[Reply]
Jessica Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 3:22 pm

I completely feel the same. I can’t say enough how much I love this post and can relate. I have finally gotten to the point where something has to give when it comes to balance my life and blogging and it is blogging. I am working hard on being more in tune to my kids and completely unplugging for long portions of the day rather than having my phone at my finger tips or feeling the pull to the computer. THAT is not what I want my kids to remember about their mom growing up.

Thank you for putting this into words, Cheryl.
Jessica recently posted..If My Kids Could Blog, Part 2

[Reply]
Melissa Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Wonderfully written Cheryl. I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately. Especially during summer. I’ve definitely stepped back a bit and try to put it all in perspective. It’s hard this blogging and writing…something I love to do but also another thing to balance.

I’m bummed I missed BlogHer, I’m bummed I can’t comment and read more. But I love writing. This I cannot stop. So I’ll keep blogging on and writing and I know you will too but perspective…yes…perspective is hugely important
Melissa recently posted..Boys Will Be Boys?

[Reply]
Ashley Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 4:12 pm

This is me! And is sounds like it’s most everyone else too. It’s a hard community and a hard thing to do. We love our friends in our computers, but we find our self worth in numbers on a counter. We find comfort with words like, “hit” and “unique users” and “SEO” and it’s hard not to get caught up in it all, especially if you came from a job environment. An environment where to excel was the norm. Where you wanted to always keep learning and growing and getting better at your “job”.

I want to be good at ALL of my jobs. I want to be a good blogger, but I also need to find the balance between “good blogger” and “good mommy”. BlogHer helped me in SO many ways, but it also hurt me too. Because now I want to succeed. I want to be considered “good” and the competitive part of me isn’t going to stop until I get it. But then what? And will I be sad at what I missed with my kiddo?

Agh. Dilemma.
Ashley recently posted..BlogHer 11 – I Survived!

[Reply]
angela Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 4:39 pm

This is so well put. I understand what you’re saying, though my career (middle school teacher) may have prepared me a little more for the lack of validation that motherhood brings.

I hope you can find an answer that brings you a sense of balance and peace with your writing. I love reading you, but I understand that sometimes THAT might not be reason enough to beat yourself up about posting or making the social media rounds or jumping through hoops.

No advice here, just support for whatever it is that you ultimately decide to do
angela recently posted..This Morning’s Playlist

[Reply]
Yuliya Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 5:48 pm

I am going to quote myself for a second (because I blog and am therefore a complete narcissist) but prior to BlogHer I wrote down some of my blogging goals and one was to “live life first, blog about second”
Yuliya recently posted..Discovering new people

[Reply]
joann Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Is this because you met the Bloggess in the bathroom?

just kidding.
Seriously. Let’s be serious.

You are right. You are right! So the question is, what are you going to do about it?

Do you feel trapped, like you HAVE TO POST or no one will ever read your crap? I mean, brilliance? Because if so, I think you’re underestimating your fan base. That’s right, I said FANS. They’ll come back. So, if you want a breather, don’t feel like you can’t take it. Just my two cents.

That being said, YOU BETTER NOT QUIT ME!

p.s. this is one of my favorite posts EVAH.
joann recently posted..Lessons from Lightsabers

[Reply]
Stewart Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Validation is one of the toughest word. Well, its hard to set priorities especially for a mom, dad, parents. But there’s one thing that we must always consider first – our Family.
Stewart recently posted..Beyonce Inspired Body Slim Down

[Reply]
Shell Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 7:29 pm

A-freaking-men.

The validation is so nice, but then it does feel weird to go through the ups and downs.

And then I realize what is more important. Kinda had things slap me in the face lately that show me that.

Anyway… best part of blogging has been making friends. Like you. Even if I didn’t get to meet you irl yet.
Shell recently posted..Mistakes from a Blogging Newbie

[Reply]
Mrs. Wonder Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 8:28 pm

I was talking SAHM online yesterday. The only currency a mom really gets paid is in her heart. For blogging, it’s nice to say you do it for yourself, but you do it, ultimately, gfor other, personal reasons. And always, you get paid first in your heart.

[Reply]
Janine Benedict Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 9:55 pm

perfectly put and I am not even a blogger. ) But you kinda loss yourself when you become a mother. So it makes sense to try and find yourself in another area. Love this post. Glad you had a great time at BlogHer. I really hope you keep blogging – that is for sure!!

[Reply]
Kris Says:
August 11th, 2011 at 10:58 pm

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Great post.
Kris recently posted..Grilled Fajitas

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San Diego Momma Says:
August 12th, 2011 at 12:53 am

Yep. My most succinct comment ever. But it says it all.
San Diego Momma recently posted..San Diegans? Help the Kids Korps.

[Reply]
Candice @ Fashionably Organized Says:
August 12th, 2011 at 3:03 am

Cheryl,
Whether you blog anymore or not, you should know that your words will always resonate. Your words are beautiful, your stories are great. I know I’m not the only one who is proud to know you b/c you are simply you. However, I will say that I agree with your assessment about validation. Unfortunately, those damn stats make a difference, no matter how much we say they won’t. I will say that I am totally jealous of you being home w/your kids.
Candice @ Fashionably Organized recently posted..What I Learned This Year at #BlogHer11

[Reply]
Jessica Says:
August 12th, 2011 at 3:18 am

This is EXACTLY how Ive been feeling lately. I took this week off from posting. Ive been spending all day long really putting myself into my kids {also, my sister is here from NYC}. Its made a difference to them, but I feel myself being drawn to my computer and checking in on some of my friends and favorite blogs.

Thats what makes me think it is more than the stats for me. I love comments and traffic, sure, but I love the community I have more. The amazing people Ive “met” mean more to me than anything. Because in the humdrum of the day to day, I need real women to talk to.

Great post. Its so nice to know Im not alone in my struggles.
xoxo

[Reply]
Carey Says:
August 12th, 2011 at 8:52 am

Thank you for sharing your feelings, because many can relate.

I write primarily for my family, specifically my teens. It gives yet another platform of communication with them. I think that’s my validation followed by those that find strength and purpose from my story.

[Reply]
julie gardner Says:
August 12th, 2011 at 10:25 am

A. I started my blog on a STRONG recommendation from an agent and then only after my brother-in-law basically created my page and went live so I had no choice…

B. I don’t know how to look up my stats. At all. Seriously. (and don’t tell me because I’d probably need to go on anit-anxiety meds. not that there’s anything wrong with those.)

C. I had no expectations, did no research, and had no idea what I was getting myself into.

D. I post only once a week.

And yet. I still get caught up in it. I do. Me. The one who doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing and didn’t even know she wanted to do it in the first place. So I can only imagine the ride you are on…really.

Still. Blogging introduced me to you. So hooray! And perspective is always hard to maintain no matter your circumstances.

And you? Are more than a flavor. You put to words exactly how I feel.

Do my kids spend too much time watching my fingers fly and my back hunch over a laptop? Am I missing the good stuff while I’m reading about other people’s lives?

I don’t know. I hope not. I hope I’m maintaining balance.
And sanity.

I hope.
julie gardner recently posted..Today call me spoken-for

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christy Says:
August 12th, 2011 at 12:36 pm

I thank blogging every day. It’s such a wonderful way to connect with people who don’t need me to change their diapers, every single day. I honestly don’t know how moms (especially stay at home, to little tiny kids) did it before the Internet. I would feel so lost and disconnected without my blog and facebook, and now twitter. If you weren’t blogging, you wouldn’t be able to give 100% of your attention to your kids all the time anyway, that wouldn’t be healthy. I think it’s a wonderful outlet! And I’m so bummed I missed meeting you this year!
christy recently posted..What were your newborn essentials?

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Lady Jennie Says:
August 12th, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I’ve been catching up on some of your recent posts. Have you figured out the new path for your blog? I’m still so new that I can see loads of possibilities in front of me (cookbook I hope?), but I can also suffer from low stat-steem and waning comments. It seems you have to work really hard to get recognized in blogging because everyone is in the same boat as you are – they want to be recognized as well!

The day all the work is no longer worth it is the day I’ll stop (or I’ll turn into a friends and family blog for people who read it because they care about me and not because I necessarily respond). But until that day I have to be really careful that I’m balancing my blogging and family.
Lady Jennie recently posted..Unchained Melody

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Kristin @ What She Said Says:
August 12th, 2011 at 2:24 pm

It’s a double-edged sword, this bloggy world. I wrestle with the exact same things you described every day.
Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..She Eats: Garden Spaghetti

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Nancy C Says:
August 12th, 2011 at 10:41 pm

I appreciate every kindness, every moment of encouragement, every moment that you have touched my life with your support. You have improved my writing more than anybody else.

That being said, go dark until school starts. Soak it in. Do only what you have to.

We wi wait. And you will have stories to tell.
Nancy C recently posted..Red Writing Hood: Cleared

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Rachel Says:
August 13th, 2011 at 12:21 am

Ahh. This is true on so many different levels. It really takes one to know one, too. My working friends who have yet to have families fail to understand the drive for validation. Or if they do understand the need for validation they tell me to just, “Go back to work.” No one truly understands. You’ve nailed it here. Cheers! You have my validation!

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Anastasia Says:
August 13th, 2011 at 4:34 am

I get burnt out when I have to remind myself that I do this because I want to. And how much time have I missed with my kids while typing. Oh that one I struggle with all the time. Great post.
Anastasia recently posted..How You Can Help Somalia

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Jackie Says:
August 13th, 2011 at 8:41 am

Great points, and who doesn’t like validation?
I write because I needed a place to share, to vent, to brag, and my blog has evolved into this sancutary for me. There have been moments where the comments I received- be it validation, a virtual hug, or an agreeing note, got me through.

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Catherine Says:
August 13th, 2011 at 11:53 am

I love blogging but I can’t say that I have received much validation from it. I do take it personally that my followers don’t grow at a faster rate and that no one hardly ever comments. How can I not? Every now and then I get a comment that totally makes my day and I get a glimpse into the validation I hope to have one day full time. Until then, I persevere because I love it!

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Karen Peterson Says:
August 13th, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I started blogging as a way to stay connected with my friends. I never expected to meet new friends because of it, but I did. I try to convince myself that I don’t pay attention to my stats, but, of course, I can’t help it. I’m just glad I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t let those stats dictate my mood or what I write about.

And I hope next year I can go to one or two of those big blog conferences and meet some of my blog friends in real life too!
Karen Peterson recently posted..Karen’s Blog of the Week: A Nut in a Nutshell!

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Alex@LateEnough Says:
August 14th, 2011 at 11:42 am

I read this awhile ago but am only getting a chance to respond now. I have definitely been there — choosing to stay home instead of go on to my medical residency rocked how I saw myself. And for awhile blogging helped that space. But what I finally had to admit to myself is that vadiation would never be enough. I needed to be okay with myself no matter what I was doing — writing, stay at home, practicing medicine. It didn’t matter where I was. It mattered WHO I was. Although a please, thank you and you’re welcome never hurt anyone.
Alex@LateEnough recently posted..I Ask: What Should I Read Next?

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Mandyland Says:
August 18th, 2011 at 1:14 pm

This is brilliant.

And very timely.

I wish I could write more, but I read your whole page at once and my finger are itching to write about Bob.

But still…this is brilliant.
Mandyland recently posted..My Terrarium

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Kelly Says:
August 21st, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Wow. I’m chiming in late because I’ve been struggling a bit with it all internally and kind of half hiding from the online world but it’s been the same struggle.

I think it’s hard for me to know what’s next. My kids are older, and I can’t parent them in the same way, they don’t need me in the same way. I just need to remember that they need me in other ways though.

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