Talk to me

by Cheryl, posted on January 18th, 2011 in Parenting

I look at his face, red, now, with snot and tears and drool all mixing in to one big frustrated mess.

He wants so much to tell me.

Even more, he wants me to understand.

Why aren’t I helping him?

Why?

This motherhood thing, when it comes down to the core of it, is pretty simple.

You take care of your child.

You are made expressively for this purpose.

And yet.

I look at that face, at the brown eyes so much like his big brother’s, and I know I’ve failed.

Because I have no idea what he wants.

“Dis.”

It could be anything.

And if I can’t figure it out, then I watch my baby tantrum.

It hurts.

Speech delay.

I know it could be so much worse. So much.

I know there are kids who, at age 22 months, have not yet made a sound.

We have sounds.

We just often don’t know what they mean.

So, since I am not one of those “Well, let’s see what happens, I’m sure he’ll catch up eventually, boys will be boys,” types of moms, I had him evaluated for speech therapy.

We’ve been down this road before. Sage had the verbal skills of a nine-month old when she was evaluated at 20 months. Six months later, she was speaking in complete, complex sentences.

Now there’s X.

He’s not as delayed as she was. But he still – thankfully – qualifies.

I will take him to his sessions and I will worry and hope they find the magic that connects the wires between his mind and his thoughts.

And beautiful words will spill out into the air.

I will miss how he calls me “Baba” and Thomas the Train “Ditdis” and trucks “guck guck.”

But not the way he looks at me when he’s desperately trying to tell me something.

No.

He will instead smile, all dimples and teeth, because finally, he’ll be heard.

And understood.

Tags: he does really have cute dimples, speech delay, speech therapy, this kid can tantrum like a professional if there was such a profession

Comments

68 Responses to “Talk to me”

Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:23 am

I have to tell you that reading this…I am freaking out about Tyler..who is 22 months old. Sadie talked way more at this age & the sounds you are describing…sound very familiar. The last few weeks he has had a few more words but I just want to thank you for sharing this. Because now I will be paying more attention. Sigh…

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:38 am
X’s words, for the most part, are only understandable by me. There are some that are clear, like “up,” for instance, but most need the X Whisperer. A lot of things he just calls “dis” and if he wants something he will take us by the hand and show us. That being said, he understands EVERYTHING we say and can follow complex directions.

I’m hoping six months will make a world of difference. if you have ANY concerns, get him evaluated ASAP. Not only does early intervention help, but at least in The OC, once they pass age two they have to be 50 percent delayed to qualify.

[Reply]
joann Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Now I’m thinking I should have Shel evaluated. He has lots of words, but only we know what he’s saying…and he gets pretty P.O’ed when we don’t.
joann recently posted..A Time For Frozen Treats in January

[Reply]
Erin Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:25 am

I so know this feeling! My youngest at 2 years of age had the verbal ability of a 11 month old. Which is exactly NOTHING!

He’s been in language/speech development since September, and although we still have some problems, it’s so much easier!

So glad it will be easier for you AND him very soon!
Erin recently posted..When life makes sense

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:41 am
I am so glad he’s making progress. It is such a tough thing!

[Reply]
Sherri Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:28 am

Can you imagine how frustrating it is for them when they can’t communicate? And I can only imagine how frustrating for you, Cheryl…and the little sounds and the words they create are precious and special in their own way. When they are gone it will be a relief, but you’ll miss some of them, too.

I am so glad you are on top of this, as there is just SO much they can do when they intervene early! If I had college majors to choose all over again, I would totally go into Speech/Language Pathology…the whole language learning thing amazes me.

I’m happy that he qualified! Some of the kids I work with at school also seem like Speech could help them, but they don’t qualify. It’s like jumping through hoops at times.
Sherri recently posted..Sick Day – Taming Insanity Style

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:45 am
I will definitely miss some of them. Especially “Baba.” I’ll be Mommy soon enough.

Before the age of two, they receive therapy through the county if they are 33 percent delayed. After age two, they have to be 50 percent delayed. No way he would’ve qualified and private therapy is $$.

We are hoping he will take off verbally just like his sister did. Fingers crossed!

[Reply]
Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:31 am

I’m going to make you write a post for the new site.

I want parent experiences in it.

This one…this one is the reason I’m doing it.
Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points recently posted..The Scrub Yer Arse Off Soundtrack

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:46 am
Of course I will. Whatever you need.

Also, you have a soft spot for my little guy.

[Reply]
Jill Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:38 am

Oh. I hope X gets understood. Poor little guy… and mommy.
Jill recently posted..Just click

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:48 am
Thanks, Jill. He’s a really smart little guy. I can’t wait for it to all come together for him.

[Reply]
Mama P Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:57 am

I have a 24 month old, who breaks my heart on a daily basis. He has a sensory delay, along with a speech delay. He says some words, which is great, but then other times I cannot understand him, and as hard as I try, it just doesn’t happen. He starts crying, the crying leads to the tantrum, and the poor kid can’t calm himself down once he gets going. :sigh: We’ve had days where he just cries for hours. Nothing soothes him, and he runs away from me. Our speech pathologist is coming out on Wednesday and I sure am excited to see her.

I have been working on somethin Lori from IPOMP told me on twitter, we have been using the mirror in his room to work on faces and emotions, like a mad face, sad face, etc, so that we could at least understand what he’s feeling.

So happy he’s into speech, before you know it, he’ll be talking his head off
Mama P recently posted..I’m turning on the big pimpin PimpinThePoppy

[Reply]
Varda (SquashedMom) Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 2:01 am

Well, at least all those frustrated tears (and so much else about his personality) let you know it’s not autism, because he clearly has communicative intent aplenty. Ethan at 18 months was like that… all the communicative intent in the world and yet unable to wrap his mouth and brain around the words. Like you, I was the only one who could understand him, who knew that “coh-ee” was a crayon, while “coo-ee” was a cookie. He had initial consonants only, and then it was vowel soup.

He got speech therapy through early intervention, and then at 2 and a half, nearly on the dot, he had a “language explosion” and we never looked back. Now he is super verbal with a huge vocabulary, and, in fact, rarely shuts up.

I hope X has the same easy-to-fix issues that Sage had, and that his frustration ends soon. I remember those “miserable because I can’t be understood” tantrums of Ethan’s and they were doozies.
Varda (SquashedMom) recently posted..Stream of Consciousness Sunday- Not Working

[Reply]
The Drama Mama Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 2:03 am

Scooby is in preschool speech therapy. He was evaluated almost a year ago, and let me tell you…he is a far different boy than he was a year ago. His language skills sound like X’s (only he was slightly older). He seemed to have this huge vocabulary, but he wouldn’t put words together, and his pronunciation was terrible. Thursday, just past, his speech teacher sent home a note saying that he is talking so much, and she is just about ready to check off his goal of stringing 3 works together consistently as mastered!

A lot of his language took off over the summer, too, with his sister home from school, and my taking in my niece and nephew for a couple of weeks during the day. It’s fabulous that you are so proactive, and I’m quite confident that he will catch up soon enough.
The Drama Mama recently posted..Monday Good Reads

[Reply]
JustMom420zaks Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 2:11 am

Ugh. I know how you feel. My boy Tyler, 3 1/2, wasn’t speaking until recently. I wasn’t that concerned until my 21mo daughter was nearly caught up with him in the speech department.
Now that he’s speaking, not in proper sentences, but at least in understandable chains of words, his whole world seems to have opened up.
It will come, and when it does, it will be awesome.
JustMom420zaks recently posted..Two Voices

[Reply]
Yuliya Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 2:16 am

Some days those Mommypants chafe. Thank you for sharing your story, hope it all clicks for him soon.
Yuliya recently posted..If there was an award for randomosity

[Reply]
Mad Woman behind the Blog Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 2:27 am

Amazing that I see more and more mothers telling the same story. I am so sorry you’ve had to watch your child’s frustration.
We too have a speech-delayed child, due to multiple ear infections before 18 months. We’ve done therapy and she’s coming along. I am so grateful for every word. Well, except for ‘NO!’
Mad Woman behind the Blog recently posted..Stream of Consciousness meets Truth challenge

[Reply]
Cheryl D. Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 2:45 am

I didn’t know that Sage was so far behind with her speech when she was X’s age. That’s very interesting! I wonder if, for whatever reason, you just have late talkers! Nevertheless, it’s great that you’re getting ST. It never hurts and can only help!
Cheryl D. recently posted..Collecting Things

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:10 pm
What makes it really weird is Sawyer was off the charts verbal. Three word sentences by 18 months, more than 100 words at that age. And I thought that was normal! Sage was quite a shock..

[Reply]
TheKitchenWitch Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 8:37 am

Oh boy, this just tugged at my heart. That’s such a hard thing, to not know what they want or how to help them. But yes, you are also right, the little nicknames and funny pronunciations are adorable, too. Good luck with the ST.

[Reply]
Jessica Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 9:09 am

Oh I so get this. My youngest is 19 months and not saying enough for me to know what he wants either. The worst is that poor little look they give when they see that we, the all-knowing moms, do not know what they want. My oldest didn’t talk until she was four so I know it could be so much worse but that doesn’t make it any easier.
Jessica recently posted..Two Blogs Walked onto a Playground

[Reply]
Sue Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 9:40 am

What a blessing your experience with your older son has been. You KNOW it will be OK. In a month…a year…ten years from now…it will. Keep walking the walk. Your sons…both of them…are SO evidently well cared for.
Sue recently posted..I Wanna Live in Arid Air- A D House Twinz Rap

[Reply]
Jen Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 9:44 am

Jake didn’t talk until he was a little over 2 come to find out he was tongue tied and couldn’t talk.

A little snip and now the verbal vomit never stops.
Jen recently posted..My Cat has Special Talents- Does Yours

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:12 pm
So funny! Both Sage and X were tongue-tied (snipped shortly after birth).

[Reply]
Erin Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 9:49 am

Wow. This was some seriously powerful stuff. Beautifully written and straight from the heart.

My sister is a Speech Pathologist and an ABSOLUTE miracle worker. I will say prayers for you and for X – I am confident that you and ST will help him find his words but for right now, in this moment, I think you just need a {{HUG}} –

May his words be as beautiful as his Mommy’s
Erin recently posted..Tuesday with Monkeys – Entry 2 Double Feature

[Reply]
Annabelle Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 10:26 am

May I ask, have you tried baby sign language?

It may help in the interim. I’ve also read that it helps to develop speech, not further delay.

Just my two cents.
Annabelle recently posted..The grass is always greener

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:13 pm
We have tried. He has zero interest. Looks at me like I’m nuts.

[Reply]
joann mannix Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 11:14 am

Cheryl,

My best friend’s children, all three of them, were seriously speech delayed. But with the miracle of speech therapy, they are all normal, talkative, bubbly teenagers. In fact, the one who didn’t speak at all until after three, now won’t ever stop talking. We say he’s still catching up for lost time. I have often thought that genetics plays a bigger part in this than we give it credit for. Yes, there are certain cases where speech is just an indicator of something else, but when all your children have the same delays, I truly think it’s just a matter of children who need more time and just a little extra push.

How frustrating for all of you. I know how tough it is to watch your child struggle, no matter the issue. His words are coming and what a bright, bubbly day that will be in all of your lives.
joann mannix recently posted..Im Too Bad Ass For Mexican Abductors

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Thank you, Joann. Sage was quite a shock; Sawyer was off the charts verbal. Three-word sentences by 18 months. Was counting to 10 by 20 months, knew all his colors, etc.

It wasn’t surprising about X. But I was hoping for another Sawyer in the speech department!

[Reply]
Stacey Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 11:14 am

That’s so hard. I hate it when they are trying desperately to communicate and you have no idea what they are trying to say. I hope speech therapy helps bridge that gap quickly. Just a thought, have you ever tried sign? It works well for me and mine.
Stacey recently posted..Why so morbid

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 5:31 pm
All three of my kids look at me like I’m nuts when I’ve tried to teach them to sign. My first would just say the word. Sage did the sign for milk and all done and more. X won’t do any. Stubborn kid!

[Reply]
erin margolin Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 11:51 am

My girls were preemies and late to do everything. They didn’t walk until they were 16 months old. Abby never even crawled…she scooted around on her bottom. We called her “Scooter” because of it. She also never had a single tooth until she was nearly a year old. Words came slowly as well and even now that they’re 5? I still worry about everything. Worry that they’re not reading. That they can’t write their middle names. That they’re behind their peers. Parenting is tough sometimes. And we worry a lot.

But I have a feeling this will all work out.

Lovely post!
erin margolin recently posted..Being a Woman- Being a Mom

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 5:37 pm
My son started reading when he was almost 6. And not fluently, just some easy sentences with sight words like “The cat is blue.”

Parenting IS one big giant ball of worry, isn’t it

[Reply]
gigi Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 11:57 am

You know, from my Mommypants moment, that I understand so well.

boy Wonder had hour long tantrums several times a day, all due to frustration. He’d stand in the pantry and point and grunt and we’d try to divine what the hell he wanted. When we could’t figure it out…tantrum.

They try so hard to get the words out…and can’t, and it’s heartbreaking for them, and for you.

I know.

Did you try the Signing Time DVDs? Those helped us bridge a nice gap,and BW really has always been a visual learner, so they were great.

(hugs)
gigi recently posted..Rejected Magic Tree House Titles

[Reply]
Alexis Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:02 pm

What a beautiful reminder about how important it is for all of us, no matter what age, to be heard and understood. Beautiful.

PS: The King’s Speech

[Reply]
Jen Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:10 pm

He qualified! Good! Now it’s time to get to work. I have no doubt he’ll be chattin’ it up in no time.

I am a huuuuge fan of early intervention, as you know
Jen recently posted..Cooking with Robot- Cocoa

[Reply]
Aliza Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Oh, wow. I am really feeling for you, Cheryl. I have high hopes for X and his whisperer! Hugs to you both. xoxo

[Reply]
Amy Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:14 pm

I am so not looking forward to that look.
Amy recently posted..Contest Update 3 – Win my Novel

[Reply]
Kerry Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:54 pm

video him as much as you can to capture the cuteness of the now! I love that we have video of our 18 yo when she was 3 singing and dancing with her little voice. priceless!

X will catch up! it sounds like he needs some pushing and ST can so make that happen. As you know!

[Reply]
Natalie Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:19 pm

That’s the most frustrating part of dealing with the twins right now – the lack of communication. It is so hard to know what they want and need.

Hugs to you, my friend…
Natalie recently posted..Random Randomness &amp Things That Drive Me Crazy

[Reply]
KLZ Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 2:04 pm

I tell all my non-mommy friends about how hard it must be on a little person to not be able to communicate ANYTHING. They don’t get it. They think that that’s just “kids” and that they don’t really want things. But they do, so much.

Good for you for listening.
KLZ recently posted..TRX Wants to Sponsor Poppy

[Reply]
Adrienne Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 3:48 pm

For all the issues Carter has faced, language delay was not among them. While I can’t understand that exact issue, I can certainly understand the fear of parenting a child with a delay.

And of course you’ll worry. When everyone tells you “He’ll be fine! Stop fussing!”, it’s like they’re asking you not to be the mom.

But you ARE the mom, and OF COURSE you’ll worry, and I’m so glad that he’s getting the help he needs!

[Reply]
liz Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 3:55 pm

I completely understand this, as this was us 6+ months ago. Maddie has made huge leaps and bounds since starting therapy. I’m glad we started this as early as we did and didn’t listen to the people who say, “Oh, she’s still just a baby!”
liz recently posted..Time Keeps on Ticking

[Reply]
tara Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Aww. I’m so sorry. It’s so EFFING frustrating. One of mine had this, though not as bad. Sign helped a little bit. Hang in there.
tara recently posted..Ruby on Rails and Random White Ladies- A Play About Civil Rights

[Reply]
Anne Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 5:40 pm

This sounds tough for both of you! But the “guck guck” and “baba’ are so super cute!
Anne recently posted..My life in Pink

[Reply]
Renee(2old2tap) Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:13 pm

That would break my heart, the tears. And all you can do is hold him and hope it helps.

The grandson just turned 2 years. He knows words, but doesn’t seem to make a big effort to say them. And some of his pronunciations are off. And like you, his mother knows what he’s saying. Most of the time. And I do too, though maybe not as often. I suppose she’ll have to decide soon whether to have him evaluated also.
Renee(2old2tap) recently posted..A Little Sunday Miracle!

[Reply]
Carri Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:38 pm

I feel so bad for them. They know what they want but they just can’t tell us. It makes life very frustrating, doesn’t it? My son will be two next month and he’s getting better, but sometimes he loses his temper because he’s just not understood.
Carri recently posted..Shut Your Face- Kaiser Nurse!

[Reply]
Kimberly Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Gosh…sometimes I just don’t realize how lucky I am to have a son that is healthy and on cue with everything. That would just break my heart. IF it’s any consolation my son calls flip flops “fuk offs”….not so cute.
Kimberly recently posted..Special Ketamine- It’s Part Of My Healthy Balanced Breakfast

[Reply]
Nancy C Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 9:41 pm

I can’t wait to hear about those beautiful words spilling out like cold, clear water.
Nancy C recently posted..We Dont Keep Secrets in Our Family

[Reply]
Ericka @ Creative Liar Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 9:47 pm

I’m sorry to hear this Cheryl. It’s frustrating as it is learning toddler speak. I want to say “don’t worry,” but you’re a good mom so you will.

Sending positive thoughts that he’ll follow in your daughter’s footsteps.
Ericka @ Creative Liar recently posted..How to Write a Book Again

[Reply]
Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom) Says:
January 18th, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Oh, your poor little guy and poor you too! This has to be so frustrating for you both. I’m glad he’ll be getting his speech therapy. So great that you are being so proactive.

Hopefully in no time, he’ll be able to tell you what’s on his mind and keep flashing those adorable dimples.
Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom) recently posted..I Should Have Packed the Kahlua

[Reply]
Elissa Says:
January 19th, 2011 at 1:00 am

You know what I love? How you always take the bull by the horns when it comes to your kids. You’re not a ‘wait and see mom’…you never sugar-coat their issues and your responses to them. Let’s just hope that one day when X is a teenager and giving you some serious back-talk, you’ll look back at this moment in time and smile…

[Reply]
Nichole Says:
January 19th, 2011 at 1:15 am

As social as that lovely boy is, he’ll be talking in no time.
Once he figures out that he can use his words to charm everyone, you’ll never be able to get him to stop flirting.
You know that I know exactly what you’re going through.
You have shown time and time again that you are such an amazing advocate for your children.
Go, X, go!
Nichole recently posted..His laughter all mine

[Reply]
Rudri Says:
January 19th, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Cheryl: Hope gets X gets understood sooner than later. Sending you xoxo.
Rudri recently posted..Entries &amp Exits

[Reply]
Rudri Reply:
January 19th, 2011 at 12:58 pm
I meant hope “X gets understood”
Rudri recently posted..Entries &amp Exits

[Reply]
Shell Says:
January 19th, 2011 at 10:08 pm

You know, you make me cry sometimes.

and this is one of them. I’ve been there.

Still there some days with my 4 year old. I just want to understand. I want him to understand.

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 22nd, 2011 at 1:38 am
It’s a sucky thing, isn’t it? Know that you are not alone.

Why is it all so hard?

[Reply]
Andrea Says:
January 22nd, 2011 at 12:57 am

What a powerful post. I am sure it is rough and I am sure that you already know that, but I just wanted to validate it for you and tell you I agree, as mothers we just do not want to fail our children in any way. Sigh. It’s something else, isn’t it? The way they take control of our hearts the way that they do.
Andrea recently posted..A spot of dialogue

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 22nd, 2011 at 1:40 am
Thank you, Andrea. So much.

They take control of our hearts for sure. They keep breaking them and healing them, breaking them and healing them. This parenting stuff? Is so not for wimps!

[Reply]
Carrie Says:
January 22nd, 2011 at 1:50 am

Wow. I can’t imagine what it must be like. Both my kids were early talkers. Now, I can’t get them to shut up…but I imagine that is your greatest wish.

I hope X gets the help he needs and you get to hear what must be a gorgeous little voice
Carrie recently posted..Red Writing Hood- Nothing…and Everything

[Reply]
MamaRobinJ Says:
January 22nd, 2011 at 1:50 am

Beautiful insight into what I imagine is a tough problem.

[Reply]
Nicole Abdou Says:
January 22nd, 2011 at 11:25 am

What a beautiful piece. I am visiting from the link up – and this post was so well written.

So glad I stopped by.
Nicole Abdou recently posted..Meditation Room

[Reply]
Callie Feyen Says:
January 22nd, 2011 at 12:25 pm

My favorite part – “Beautiful words will spill out of the air.” It’s so lovely because despite the pain and frustration you both are feeling, you KNOW that “beautiful words will spill out of the air.” What a special mother your son has.
Callie Feyen recently posted..Title One- Oh Boy Title Two- This Ones For Tara

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 31st, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Thank you. So much.

And I DO know it. And i can’t wait!

[Reply]
@MultitaskMumma Says:
January 22nd, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I loved this post when I read it on your blog and I love reading it again. So honest and well written!
@MultitaskMumma recently posted..I live with this man

[Reply]
Christy Lee Says:
January 31st, 2011 at 1:44 pm

OMG….what timing! I stayed up late last night, writing about this very subject and a Rora-Juck word that I had struggled with for 2 weeks spewing out of my 26 month old son’s mouth constantly. I felt so alone. I blogged about it to see if there was anyone else out there! Then I saw this post on BlogHer on FB this morning and felt “relieved”. Not relieved that others feel this pain, but relieved that I am not the only one! I’ve taken the “fade back & punt” approach so far but I may have to go for the evaluation before long! So frustrating and heart-breaking! Good luck!

[Reply]
Cheryl Reply:
January 31st, 2011 at 1:54 pm
You are so NOT the only one. I’m amazing at how many people have kids with speech delay. If you have any thoughts at all that your child might have delay, I urge you to get him tested. Speech therapy is incredibly effective, and the earlier they get help, the better! Good luck to you and thanks for stopping by!

[Reply]
Angie Jackson Says:
February 2nd, 2011 at 3:04 am

My son didn’t talk till he was 4. I made him a set of “I want” flashcards that helped us a LOT. Common requests like clean diaper, juice box, and Blue’s Clues all got easier as he was able to just hand me the colored, labeled, painstakingly doodled card that applied.

Maybe this, or something like it, will work for you.

At 5 my son is still working on speech, but he’s also working on reading, writing, and simple math. Stay strong, mommy.

[Reply]

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