Our gift of the season

by Cheryl, posted on December 22nd, 2011 in Parenting

The sixth day of Chanukah is this Sunday, which also happens to be another holiday some of you might have heard of: Mas. Oh. Wait. Sorry. Did I just take the Christ out of Christmas? Apologies.

But, frankly, appropriate for what goes on at our house.

We have a Christmas tree but neither my husband nor I believe in Jesus. The holidays are secular for us, more about the traditions with which we grew up then about who or what me might or might not worship.

I’d love to show you a picture of our Christmas tree next to the electric menorah I got for a steal last year at Target. Unfortunately, when you buy something a year in advance, it gives you lots of time to put it somewhere that you completely don’t remember. So no picture. Nor electric menorah next to the tree in the window.

Now, when I was a kid, it was wicked awesome when Christmas and Chanukah fell on the same day. Because then I didn’t feel so left out. I was raised in a Jewish home but grew up in a predominantly Catholic area in Connecticut. Most of my friends celebrated Christmas. I’d go to my friend’s houses and gaze at their amazing tree and all the beautiful ornaments. My family used to drive around and look at the Christmas lights because we definitely didn’t have any of our own. Or, obviously, a tree.

I used to perch on my bed and look at the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Rudolph’s nose. I so wanted to believe in Santa, too, just like everyone else. And I did, even if he didn’t stop at my house. I always hoped he would, though, and one year, we hung stockings and they were filled with candy the next day, so there was proof!

David grew up Protestant so he had Christmas in his home every year.

My own kids get to light the menorah and they listen to me recite the blessings in Hebrew. They also have a tree, which they decorated in the way only kids can: all the ornaments are on the lower half of the tree, where they can reach, and Xander now enjoys doing some creative rearranging of the stuff on the lowest branches.

It’s fun and exciting for them.

But they are becoming aware of religion and, especially Sawyer, they want some answers. What religion am I? What religion is David? Why don’t we go to church? What about Jesus?

We dropped Sage off at soccer camp in the morning and then, as we drove past the church that is next to the fields, Sawyer said he’d like to go to church. I asked him why.

“Because they do nature walks.”

Wha? I pointed out he does nature walks with Daddy. Then he said he still wanted to go.

“When you give me a compelling reason why you’d like to go, then I’ll take you,” I said.

And I know he will. I will take him, to churches and to synagogues and, if I can, a mosque. I’d love for him to learn all about different religions, to see there’s no one right answer.

Maybe something will ring true with him. Or maybe not. Either way, I will support him and guide him the best I can.

He and Sage and Xander will grow up with traditions and love and family, no matter what the flavor. That is our gift of the season. Of every season.

Tags: electric menorah, religion, secular, taking the christ out of christmas

Comments

25 Responses to “Our gift of the season”

Mrs. Wonder Says:
December 22nd, 2011 at 3:20 am

You sound just like me. I want my son to experience many religions. And I totally believe Christmas and Santa is a cultural thing, not just a religious.

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Cheryl Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 2:47 am
Believe there is only one way just seems…wrong to me.

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tracy@sellabitmum Says:
December 22nd, 2011 at 7:45 am

I love this and am trying to tell our story too. Eloise came home on Monday and asked “what are we?” for the first time ever as I guess this week all the kids were talking about what they ‘are’ – Muslim, Jewish, Catholic, Baptist…and when she told them ‘nothing’ they told her that everyone is ‘something’ and she came home in tears.

I told her that is how wars start. gah.
Love you. xo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..43

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Cheryl Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 2:48 am
Yeah. Too many wars, too many bad things have happened in the name of religion.

Poor Eloise.

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Arnebya Says:
December 22nd, 2011 at 10:20 am

That is a wonderful gift: the gift of exposure. While we attend a Baptist church (cough — sometimes) I’d have a hard time saying we’re Baptist when asked what we “are” like Tracy mentions above. I love that you are open to showing them various religions.
Arnebya recently posted..Gifts, Gadgets, and Grinches

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Cheryl Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 2:51 am
I think religions are fascinating. In theory, that is.

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joann Says:
December 22nd, 2011 at 12:02 pm

i think it’s so wonderful that you are letting your children find their own way, so often those of us growing up in extremely religious homes (ahem) are pressured to chose the religion of our parents just because our parents want us to. That’s not right. And yet, I imagine it will be extremely hard if my kids chose something other than what I have found to be true, and it will probably be hard for you if they become extremely religious or something…less all encompassing. You’re a good mommy.
joann recently posted..It’s Officially Official

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Cheryl Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 2:53 am
My friend asked me that this morning, what I would do if one of my kids became a Christian. I just told her it could be worse: they could become a Republican.

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elissapr Says:
December 22nd, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Firstly, I’m impressed you can read Hebrew. And it’s so important kids know about other religions. At our temple, they take kids to experience other houses of worship.

I too grew up in predominantly non-Jewish areas, but I never thought for one minute I would not be Jewish. Because while being Jewish is a religion – it’s also a state of being. Will I ever want my DD to be anything other than than Jewish? No.

My POV? I think kids need a religion. It gives them something to rebel against later.

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Cheryl Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 2:54 am
I can read Hebrew, but I don’t understand it. But those blessings I remember from since forever.

My kids already have plenty to rebel against – they have me for a mother!

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angela Says:
December 22nd, 2011 at 2:01 pm

I think it’s important that you give him exposure to different things. Teaching him and helping to guide him without prescribing something to him is impressive. We are still unsure what to do, and the uncertainty is hard on me.

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Cheryl Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 2:56 am
Oh, no, I have tremendous guilt/anxiety about whether I’m doing the right thing. But I suppose they can work it out in therapy later..

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Cindy Says:
December 22nd, 2011 at 2:23 pm

My husband and I feel similar to you, Cheryl. We don’t attend church and our kids ask us often about our beliefs, particularly Marin, our 11 yr old who is highly inquisitive. We don’t believe that there is 1 right way to believe. We talk a lot about caring for others, doing the “right” thing, being good to ourselves and humans in general. Marin has attended a chuch camp with a friend. She occasionally attends different church services with different people. I think exposure is good. One of her friends for the last 11 yrs is Jewish so she is learning a bit from her (“how come we can’t get 8 presents and also christmas presents?”). For us, we just want to be sure our 3 girls continue to be kind, caring,loving, thoughtful people as they enter adulthood. And you can be this even if one doesn’t attend a church or believe in a specific denomination.
Merry ‘Mas!

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Cheryl Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 2:59 am
Thank you for your comment, Cindy. I couldn’t agree with you more. Following moral and ethical codes because it’s the right thing to do – not because you might get punished by a higher power or you won’t get into heaven or whatever – is what we’re teaching.

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Jennifer Says:
December 22nd, 2011 at 2:49 pm

You are awesome! I love the idea of exposing my kids to all religions. I just think it makes for more well rounded better global citizens. We are Jewish, but I am determined to do what you are doing!
Jennifer recently posted..The Great Hanukkah Melt-Down

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Cheryl Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 3:00 am
I think part of being a good human being is to try to understand other ways of thinking, even if they differ from your own, you know?

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John Says:
December 22nd, 2011 at 3:03 pm

I’m really not sure how we’re going to deal with the kids & spirituality as they grow older. I mean, we go to the same church every week, but that’s because daddy gets paid to go. I want to head to a different place of worship, often, to ensure that the kids can make up their minds about what feels right for them.

But, well, there’s just so much that can affect that kind of decision making. I mean, if I showed up at a synagogue, looking to learn about Judiasm and possibly convert — and then I saw a girl whom I had asked out, and was summarily rejected by . . . well, my choice to not go back would have little to do with the actual faith.

No matter what, it should be an interesting journey, phantom electric menorahs or not
John recently posted..Where I reflect on the season

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Cheryl Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 3:02 am
Did you have a bad experience with a Jewish girl, John?

I think a well-rounded education includes religion. The better informed my kids are, the better chance they will form their own opinions and not be influenced by the larger crowd. #fingerscrossed

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John Reply:
December 27th, 2011 at 11:53 am
Oh, Cheryl – I had bad experiences with girls of every race & creed in high school ;-p

Yeah, if you can figure out how to get them to follow their beliefs & not the crowd, please share the wisdom. That’s, probably, my biggest fear as a parent . . . having my kids join in with “bad crowds” and just not thinking for themselves.
John recently posted..Where I say “happy anniversary” in the only way I know how

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Theresa Sonoda Says:
December 23rd, 2011 at 1:33 am

Hi Cheryl….Definitely something all non-religious parents and parents of different faiths have to face with their children. I am delighted to hear that you give your children the options, the exposure and the freedom to explore the mysteries of religions. Satisfying curiosity is a valid learning tool, and assists in developing a child’s range of acceptance of others around them.
Theresa Sonoda recently posted..Widget WhaJit?

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Cheryl Reply:
December 23rd, 2011 at 3:04 am
I think, because we live in the bible belt that is south Orange County, it’s that much more important for us to make sure our kids know that what other kids say in school is not necessarily the truth. Education and knowledge will hopefully empower them to make their own choices and not follow the crowd.

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Cameron Says:
December 23rd, 2011 at 9:39 am

My parents never took me to church, except for the Christmas Eve service at the Congregational Church where she went as a kid–and that was for the singing. Oh, the singing!

I grew up cheerfully an unwashed heathen, but we always celebrated a secular Mas, and I have a deep affection for the Jewish holidays, as a vast majority of my high school friends are Jewish.

Felix, too, will be an unwashed heathen until he decides otherwise, but he already gets that different families have different holidays and traditions, so I figure we’re laying the groundwork.

Good work, you, and happy Hanukah & Mas!
Cameron recently posted..Earl Grey Tea Cake

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Jeanne @JollyTomato Says:
December 23rd, 2011 at 1:12 pm

We’re from a mixed family too (I’m Catholic, my husband is Jewish). We’ve been trying to raise our kids with smatterings of both traditions, and lots of information. But when my four-year-old recently saw a nativity scene and shouted, “Hey – look at those people in a nest!” I realized we probably have more work to do on the “education” side. But I agree with your conclusion – that no matter what they end up with, they will have grown up with traditions of love and family – and I hope the same will hold true for us.
Happy Hanukkah and Merry Mas!
Jeanne @JollyTomato recently posted..Endive, Four Ways

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Melinda Says:
December 23rd, 2011 at 1:40 pm

I’ve felt like such a bad parent for so long now because we don’t celebrate religion but this helps me feel more normal
Melinda recently posted..Last Minute Shopping at Dollar Tree

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julie gardner Says:
December 29th, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Hey my lady ~

Thanks for this post. I sometimes feel like we’re the only ones out there raising our kids to be “nothing” (using Tracy’s word…tongue and cheek of course. because our kids are SO much. SOOOO much more than religion).

I have wanted to post something about it for a long time; my fears, ambivilance, and also confidence that we are being true to ourselves. But.

I do worry about our families. Our kids’ futures. Their questions. I answer them. I give them historical information. I show global views.

But they don’t “belong” to a specific religion. And I hope that’s okay. I desperately want what we do for our children to be okay.

More than okay.

Anyway, I’ve been off the grid and loved coming back to such a thought-provoking post.

I can always count on you for honesty…

(p.s. Speaking of counting: two more days, birthday girl
julie gardner recently posted..Today call me present

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