Mommypants Moments – I am ready

by , posted on February 13th, 2011 in Mommypants Moment




I am excited to bring you today’s Mommypants Moment, written by the talented Julie Gardner of By Any Other Name. I am relatively new to Julie’s writing but I know I have found a kindred spirit and I’m thrilled to share her words with you today.

For thirteen years I’ve found myself saying, “I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry for rolling my eyes. And heaving a sigh. For wishing my children would be quiet.

I’m sorry for expecting my daughter to love reading and my son to love team sports. For requiring more from her than kindness; more from him than originality.

I’m sorry for sometimes imagining they were never here and then again hoping they might never leave.

I’m sorry they cannot crawl inside me and know the vastness of my love for them. That on the outside, I sometimes get it wrong.

I’m sorry I ever let my babies cry themselves to sleep.

I’ve tried to pinpoint the moment I knew I was the right mother for these children. The moment I proved my worthiness. But I can’t help thinking motherhood is an ongoing battle. That sometimes, I’m my own worst enemy.

It is too soon. I am not ready.

Our first baby was unplanned. Not unwanted, but conceived before I’d written thank you cards for our wedding gifts. Still. I was hopeful. I dreamed of holding my bald-before-blond, blue-eyed baby girl. I imagined forgiving her for making me so very tired.

Instead, my son came early. Already impatient with me. With life. He was wrinkled and red, a shock of black hair protruding from a skull still pinched and molded by our first separation.

It is too soon. I am not ready.

When the nurse told me we were released, my words tumbled over each other.

“We can’t leave,” I said. “He’s crying.”

“Babies cry,” she said. I was not comforted.

We placed him in his nursery still strapped into the car seat. We huddled in our dark bedroom wondering. Is this what we’re supposed to do? It did not feel right. We moved him into our bed, a tiny squirming bundle set between us.

“I can’t believe my parents loved me this much,” I said. I stroked his black hair, wondered where it had come from. “I don’t ever want to be away from him.”

He can stay here, we agreed. For tonight.

So when Jack was eight weeks old, I taught him to cry himself to sleep. I nursed him. I swaddled him. I put him in his crib. I let the water run in our shower so I would not hear him. He protested for three nights. On the fourth, he slept.

And I worried I had gotten it wrong again. That at two months old, my baby believed I would not be there for him when he needed me.

It is too soon. I am not ready.

So we cried and smiled together. We were by turns both joyful and afraid. And when we welcomed his bald-until-blond, blue-eyed sister Karly, she was patient. With me. With life.

This time, I thought, I will get everything right.

Except I didn’t.

And after thirteen years, motherhood still feels like one long string of mistakes.

Love for my children crowds almost every part of me. But in the empty spaces, other emotions sneak in. Doubt. Disappointment. Guilt. Frustration. Mother-love is supposed to be unconditional, instinctive, perfect.

And yet.

Today I’ll roll my eyes. And sigh. Wish my children would be quiet. I’ll be annoyed at the clothes piled on Karly’s floor, at the toothpaste smeared in Jack’s sink.

But I will also be awash with love for them. I’ll try my best. I’ll teach them to say ‘I’m sorry,’ too.

I will listen.

And if I hear my babies crying themselves to sleep? I will wrap myself around them in the darkness of their rooms. I will stay until they know they can trust me to be there for them always.

In that moment, I will know.

It’s not too soon. I am ready.

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88 Responses to “Mommypants Moments – I am ready”

  1. JDaniel4's Mom Says:

    February 13th, 2011 at 10:56 pm

    So well done! Children really need to know the security and love of their parent’s arms around them. I love that my son needs and wants me with my arms around him.
    JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Italian Day at Publix and 25 Publix Gift Card Giveaway

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Thanks for the kind words. Lucky son and lucky mama!
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  2. Tiffany Says:

    February 13th, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    Amazing post! I can relate in so many ways how you felt. I have a thousand sorrys for my kids too but we’re all human.

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Thank you, Tiffany. I suppose we can all take comfort in knowing that we’re not alone.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  3. gigi Says:

    February 13th, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    I knew you’d be a great choice for Mommypants moment! This is some great writing from you and so neat to see a different side.

    I, too, feel like I make more mistakes than I have successes…and with each year, the mistakes pile grows more massive. It’s so hard, and yet, they are so forgiving.
    gigi recently posted..Tips for Your Valentine’s Day

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Awwww, Gigi -

    You are so sweet. Thanks so much for all your support. Really. You are an inspiration. Still to come? My date with Bob Eubanks…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  4. RottenMom Says:

    February 13th, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    Beautiful. Perfect. Honest.

    I’m off to read more of you Julie!
    RottenMom recently posted..My Dear Valentine

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Thanks for dropping by my blog, too. Will head to yours as soon as I can. And your kind words are greatly appreciated.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  5. julie Says:

    February 13th, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    Cheryl,

    Thanks so very much for the opportunity to post here. In case I didn’t make it clear already, I think you are amazing.

    And a kindred spirit. Yes. That, too.
    julie recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  6. Jessica Says:

    February 13th, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    This? Is perfect. Amazing writing and amazing message. Just beautiful.
    Jessica recently posted..The Mom List

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Jessica ~

    Coming from you, this compliment means a lot. I loved your post last week and knew I had big shoes to fill here.

    Thank you.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  7. Living the Balanced Life Says:

    February 13th, 2011 at 11:22 pm

    As a mom of 4 young adult kids, ages almost 18-29, I am sitting here in tears. So quickly it passed, their childhood, yet it seemed it was taking forever at the moment.
    Wonderful, moving words. Thank you.
    Bernice
    Living the Balanced Life recently posted..Is multitasking the key to productivity

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    I, too, feel the time slipping through my fingers. I am so grateful for opportunities like this, the chance to freeze the moment and hold on.

    For just a little longer. Thank you for being a part of it.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  8. Varda (SquashedMom) Says:

    February 13th, 2011 at 11:28 pm

    Just lovely; beautiful writing; feelings and thought we’ve all had rendered so movingly. Thank you Julie for writing and sharing this and Cheryl for giving us Julie.
    Varda (SquashedMom) recently posted..Stream of Consciousness Sunday- Anti-life

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Varda -

    Thanks for that beautiful compliment. And right now? I feel like the lucky one.

    (sorry this reply is so late…I’d accidentally put it in a separate comment instead of a reply. But I really admire your writing and wanted you to know I’d responded to you.)
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  9. julie gardner Says:

    February 13th, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    Varda -

    Thanks for that beautiful compliment. And right now? I feel like the lucky one.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  10. Annabelle Says:

    February 13th, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    fantastic. So true of what mother love is.

    Beautiful really.
    Annabelle recently posted..The art of time suckage

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Thank you, Annabelle.

    That’s exactly what I was hoping for in this post: To capture mother love. So glad you to share it with you.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  11. Kelly C Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 12:26 am

    Beautiful! What every mother feels in her soul put into perfect words! Thank you! :)
    Kelly C recently posted..Interview 2

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Kelly,

    Thank you for reading. For commenting. How can I not love the words “beautiful,” “mother,” and “soul” in one sentence?
    I so apprecite the support.

    (I know this reply is delayed…I’d originally responded in a separate comment instead of a reply, but I resent so yyou’d know how much it meant to me!
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  12. julie gardner Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 12:37 am

    Kelly -

    Thank you for reading. For commenting. How can I not love the words “beautiful,” “mother,” and “soul” in one sentence?

    I so apprecite the support.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  13. Di Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 12:53 am

    Knowing you and knowing Jack & Karly, you have absolutely NOTHING for which you need to be sorry. Awesome, as usual.

    [Reply]


  14. julie gardner Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 12:57 am

    Oh, Di ~

    We all love you. And this just reminded me why…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  15. Shell Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 2:17 am

    This is so beautiful!

    I had such a hard time letting my babies cry themselves to sleep(except for by the time by first was 6 months old and I hadn’t slept more than 2 hours in a row in all that time- and then I stopped caring). But now, if they cry out, I have to go check on them. They’re my babies!
    Shell recently posted..Comfortable and Stylish Spring Clothing

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Shell,

    I’d been told by many that teaching my children to self-soothe was a gift. And I do believe that our whole family benefited in many ways.

    But count this decision as one of many in parenting that you can never know FOR SURE about.

    Who knew motherhood would be so hard? Oh right.

    Only everyone.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  16. nannyk Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 3:15 am

    If I can forgive you for all the times you made me “cry it out”….I suppose J & K will find it in their hearts to forgive you too :-)

    This is beautiful Jules. Not every mother is willing to plumb the depths of her triumphs and struggles so publicly. You are a damn good mother, and surely J & K feel wrapped in your abundant love!

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Hey Nance ~

    I let you come up for air. Eventually.

    Thanks for coming here and commenting. Abundant love all around…xoxo
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  17. Stu Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 4:15 am

    Beautiful post Julie. Great job once again with your words, but know they pale in comparison to the love you share with your entire family day in and day out. We all love being a part of your life.

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Awwwww, Rand-man,

    How lucky am I to have you? Seriously. Thank you thank you thank you.

    For everything…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  18. Snuggle Wasteland Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 7:39 am

    Lovely and honest. I have so many regrets and mistakes. I’m afraid if I start writing about them I’ll never be able to stop.
    Snuggle Wasteland recently posted..Book Besties

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    I try to think about it this way (as I lie awake at night worrying. which I do too often):

    Just the mere fact that we examine our parenting is most likely evidence that we’re not completely awful at it, right?

    The really bad ones probably think they’re unequivocally right.

    At least that’s what I tell myself. And mostly, it works.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  19. Elizabeth Flora Ross Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Really beautiful! Motherhood pulls us is so many different directions, doesn’t it? Half the time I don’t know if I am coming or going. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Yes – it pulls us in different directions, then invents new directions to tug we didn’t even know existed.

    But you’re so right. No trading here, either…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  20. KLZ Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 11:35 am

    I still feel like I’m playing at being a mommy. But Alex seems to think I know what I’m doing. Maybe the toddler knows better than me.
    KLZ recently posted..Happy Valentines Day- I Hate You

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    KLZ ~

    I know EXACTLY what you mean…Wish I could tell you that in a decade you’ll be completely sure of yourself.

    But instead, you’ll just be questioning different things.

    Still. That’s part of the beauty of it. And when all else fails? Pretend.

    Kids love that!
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  21. Jill Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Amazing post! I got a lump in my throat because so many of these things are things I feel but am not brave enough to say out loud. Great job. :)
    Jill recently posted..Not again!

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Thank you, Jill.

    That’s definitely why I said them. To remind everyone that we’re not alone.

    I really apprecite your kind words and support.

    Cheers to Mother Love.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  22. Kari Marie Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Beautiful post. I feel like I need to go call my mom.

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Oh, Kari Marie ~

    Do it. I guarantee a call from you will make her day. Thanks for coming here and commenting, sweet friend.

    And Happy Valentine’s Day to you…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  23. AllyT Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    Beautiful, Julie! Made my heart ache. Now I am determined to take today and show my family how much I love them. I guess that’s really the good news: Each day we get another chance!

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Allyson ~

    So true. Always fresh opportunities to show our love. I think of you as someone who was made to be a mother.

    Hug those babies for me…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  24. Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    I’ve said a number of times: my son cried it out for two nights and learned on the third. If it had taken three nights, he’d still be being rocked.

    He’s 14 now.

    And I don’t know where the magic instincts got delivered to. I didn’t get them. I worry and I fret.

    And still…he is an amazing young man.

    I must have stumbled across them SOMEWHERE.
    Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points recently posted..I’m just too damned sentimental

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Lori ~

    I used to think I could make big bucks hiring myself out to new mothers for three nights – “I’ll listen to the crying. You go to a hotel and take a bath.”

    It’s never easy, is it? Still. How lovely that you can look at your 14-year-old son and know that he’s amazing.

    And also know exactly where he came from…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  25. Melissa {adventuroo} Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Such beautiful writing! You really have such a way with words, my friend! I feel like this too– more often than I care to admit. I’m glad I’m normal for feeling that way. Motherhood is such a crazy balance.
    Melissa {adventuroo} recently posted..Drum Roll Please…

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Melissa ~

    Thank you so much for the kind words about my writing. And yes, you are normal. I think it’s hard for any mother to admit insecurities and doubts – we wish it would be easier.

    But instead, we get the crazy balance. Still. You are not alone. We are not alone.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  26. Melanie Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    I agree. Beautiful writing. You’ve expressed do well what we all feel as mothers. For expressing that though as mothers we don’t always have it together, but what we always have for our kids is love – unconditional and pure love.. And really isn’t that what really matters, anyway?

    Loved your post. Oh and love your blog. I was by there the other day. I had some chuckles. Thanks for that. :-))
    Melanie recently posted..Just Because I Love You Day

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Thanks so much Melanie ~

    I appreciate your sweet words here, and the blog visit, too.
    Glad I could make you laugh – I know it’s what keeps me from banging my head against the wall.

    Too often.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  27. Leighann Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    You were taking words right out of my mouth. So many times I’ve thought I couldn’t believe my parents loved me this much, I can’t let her cry, I’m doing this wrong.
    Great writing

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Leighann -

    Thank you thank you thank you. One of my first revelations as a parent: My parents REALLY loved me this much?

    I still don’t quite believe it. But I was difficult – ha!
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  28. Lady Jennie Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    This is beautiful. I feel all those things too. (It was hard night of snapping at my poor kids too).

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Oh Jennie -

    Don’t we all have those days? And nights? And years?
    Hang in there. You are, clearly, not alone.

    Thank you so much for the kind support.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  29. Kristy Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    So true.

    http://www.pampersandpinot.com

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Kristy,

    Couldn’t resist a blog called “Pampers and Pinot” – are you kidding? Although I am more of a Cabernet fan, myself.

    Still. That’s not alliterative with the Pampers, so…

    Will definitely check you out ~
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  30. Mad Woman behind the Blog Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    Yeah, I just want to call my mom after this. That is after I wipe away the tears and try to forget the times I’ve tried to tune out the crying.
    Mad Woman behind the Blog recently posted..Fiction or Flashback

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    I hear you – loud and clear. And blurry-eyed. I should’ve added apologizing to my mother to the list of “I’m sorry’s.”

    At least you know you’re not alone. Hugs to you from me. Big big hugs.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  31. The Flying Chalupa Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Poignant and true. Motherhood is SUCH a constant battle and the need for comparison to every other mother and method (on my part, at least) is maddening. But we do our best, don’t we? And children are so forgiving.

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    And I hope you can forgive ME for not actually being pantsed…

    Glad I’m not alone in trying to avoid the comparison game. It’s so tough not to wonder and worry about being judged. And then we are our own worst critics.

    Thanks for the support, Chalupa – and good luck, you little banjo dueler!
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  32. Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom) Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    This is just so beautiful. I love everything about it. It is so honest and full of love. I always wonder when I will know if I got it right. Guess the thing is, we don’t. We just keep loving and do our best. Thank you for sharing this.
    Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom) recently posted..Sick

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Melissa ~

    Thank you so much for your lovely compliment. I was moved your post at Nichole’s today, too.

    So much Valentine’s love to go around.

    Feeling very lucky, indeed.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  33. Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    This is beautiful! In lots of ways it does all feel like a long series of mistakes. I love how you brought it around at the end. Nice job!
    Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds recently posted..Valentines Day and way beyond

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Joey ~
    Thanks so much – you are always so sweet and supportive. I am so glad to have met you in the blogging world…

    (this is late because I originally replied in a separate comment instead of pressing the “reply” button. Ooops. One of these days I’ll get the hang of all this…)
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  34. julie gardner Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    Joey ~

    Thanks so much – you are always so sweet and supportive. I am so glad to have met you in the blogging world…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me julienancy

    [Reply]


  35. Jennifer Medeiros Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    You seriously have the cutest top banner I have seen!! Love it!

    [Reply]


  36. Jennifer Medeiros Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    I am not sure if my last comment went through, but you top banner is the cutest I have seen. Are those your kids? Too cute!!
    Jennifer Medeiros recently posted..Free Organix Sample

    [Reply]


  37. Carolina Valdez Miller Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    Beautiful beautiful beautiful…expresses motherhood so well. I think we spend so much of parenthood trying to undo the mistakes. But it’s out of love, darn it!

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    It is out of love, isn’t it Carol?

    It’s like writing, too… you are never quite sure you’re doing it right. And you can drive yourself crazy correcting and second-guessing and trying to be perfect?

    Ultimately, you just have to love it, go with your instincts, and let the rest of it go…

    With parenting, I mean. And writing, too ;-) Of course.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  38. kim Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    Crying…again!! Your writing is like therapy for me :) xoxo

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Kimmy!

    I don’t know how I missed this on Valentine’s Day…wait. yes I do…three glasses of wine.

    So sorry. Love you so much! Definitely more than Monday ;-)
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  39. NotJustAnotherJennifer Says:

    February 14th, 2011 at 11:54 pm

    I completely relate to this and our oldest is only three. The older she gets, the harder it is. I find new areas in which I feel insecure and clueless. I thought it would get easier and I’d feel more comfortable, but I don’t. The only thing that’s constant is my intense love for them.
    NotJustAnotherJennifer recently posted..Identity Shift

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Jennifer -

    As long as the intense love is constant, I think everything else will turn out okay.

    I have to think that. Because I’m pretty much not sure of anything else…

    So glad you could relate, but in a good way. In a “we’re not alone” way.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  40. Sherri Says:

    February 15th, 2011 at 12:51 am

    Oh Julie, you’ve written the words that so many of us have tossed around in our heads. So beautiful and so honest. This is perfect to be over here!
    Sherri recently posted..Heart and Soul

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Sherri -
    I have admired your writing since I first started blogging, so your kind words mean more to me than you know.
    Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment.
    I’ve been feeling lucky all day that Cheryl invited me here…and never moreso than now.

    (So after three glasses of wine on Valentine’s Day, I was a little foggy when I read your comment – but I see that I replied in a separate comment instead of a “reply” – so I am resending because you are one of the people whom I most admire in the blog world. I’ve been following you on Twitter and reading your posts for months. So thank you. Now, back to your life!)
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  41. julie gardner Says:

    February 15th, 2011 at 1:20 am

    Sherri -

    I have admired your writing since I first started blogging, so your kind words mean more to me than you know.

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment.

    I’ve been feeling lucky all day that Cheryl invited me here…and never more than now.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  42. Gretchen Seefried Says:

    February 15th, 2011 at 10:26 am

    You speak the truth in every sentence. My oldest is 22, my youngest 11. Some days I can’t bear their needs…and then I remember that no one will love me or them more unconditionally than they and I do…

    Thanks for the reminder of how hard and how beautiful motherhood is.

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Gretchen -

    What a perfect way to put it…yes. Yes. To everything you said. Motherhood is so beautiful. So hard.

    Thank you for your kind words.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  43. Veronica Says:

    February 15th, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    The truth of motherhood beautifully stated. So many mistakes, loving moments and apologies, their willingness to forgive us time and again a lesson in and of itself. Right there with you!
    Veronica recently posted..Baby Boy

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Veronica ~
    Indeed. Oh how they teach us more lessons than we can ever teach them!
    Thanks so much for being right there with me…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  44. julie gardner Says:

    February 15th, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    Veronica ~

    Indeed. Oh how they teach us more lessons than we can ever teach them!

    Thanks so much for being right there with me…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  45. Grams Says:

    February 15th, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    This is a great post. My kids are now in their 30s and it brought those same feelings right back to me. I distinctly remember feeling the same way.
    Grams recently posted..One of those subjects we should avoid Religion

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Seems like we’re not alone in feeling the joys and challenges of motherhood.

    And I must say I’m glad to know that when my children are in their 30′s, it will still be fresh.

    The good parts I mean. Always the good parts…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

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  46. Lydia Says:

    February 15th, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    I’ve never read something that described so perfectly the feelings I have for my daughters, I’m always wrapped up in sorrys, doubts, frustrations and unbelievable love for them. Your love for yours shines through here, great job.
    Lydia recently posted..Ragweed

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Lydia -

    What a lovely thing to say. Yes. “All wrapped up” in it is a great way to describe the feelings – on both ends of the spectrum.

    Your words have made my day. Thank you so much.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  47. joann mannix Says:

    February 16th, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Julie,

    You took my breath away, perfectly capturing the true essence of a mother’s love. It is because we love them with a love so big, we sometimes feel like we’ve fallen down on the job. But we haven’t. It was an on the job training experience and we learned along the way, but I guarantee you those kids will remember the love, that’s it, just the love.

    I didn’t want to go home from the hospital, either, with my first girl. And at seven months when the doctor had the audacity to suggest that I let her cry herself to sleep, I was appalled. I stood at her door, listening to her cry, crying myself. But then the second and third came and my OJT had taught me a few things.

    Oh, those babies of ours. Sometimes I think my heart will crack from all the love I have for them.

    Great post, Julie. As always.
    joann mannix recently posted..A Valentines Story Mostly About People I Hate

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    julie gardner Reply:

    Joann,

    I just love you. With or without the wine “cellar.” Or Bono. Or time share stories. And all the support.

    How did I get so lucky to have you on my side?

    Thank you thank you thank you.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  48. OttosMom Says:

    February 16th, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    So well said, the sincerity and insecurity and the best intentions and then the humanity all rolled into… well just one person. I just had this conversation with another mom friend, that the fact that you’re constantly sorry, constantly second guessing, it says something to the fact that you are probably a very GOOD MOM. The good ones care too much, worry themselves into the ground. It’s exhausting but it’s also the most rewarding thing ever.

    ps. You make me too serious, haha! Let’s talk about corn chips :) xo
    OttosMom recently posted..On Wednesday- There is Wine Sweet Pea Apple Wine

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    Ah yes. I’ll fight you for the corn chips off the floor. But then if I were a GOOD mom, I wouldn’t be feeding my kids corn chips, right? Where are the cut carrots and raw broccoli stalks?

    Oh, forget it. I’m too tired out from fixing major appliances.

    Thanks so much for coming here ~ really. You make me smile…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

    [Reply]


  49. Mrs. Tuna Says:

    February 17th, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    I held “Sheldon” every night until she was almost a year old.
    Mrs. Tuna recently posted..Living in a My Little Pony World

    [Reply]

    julie gardner Reply:

    And I’m sure you don’t regret it. I try to greet each decision with the question “Which choice will you least likely regret in the long run?”

    Sometimes, what’s best in the moment isn’t right over the long haul.

    But once you’ve made your choice, I suppose you must move on.

    And hope for the best…
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me pantsed

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