Fairy SpaMother

by , posted on March 5th, 2012 in Humor, Just me

I don’t answer my home phone unless I know who’s calling – and then it depends on whether I can actually get to the phone, since I’m usually running out the door to grab one of the kids from school or changing a poopy diaper or some other glamorous thing like that.

The other day a call came in with a number I didn’t recognize. I let the machine pick up and listened in. It was a woman confirming an appointment I had for the next afternoon.
So I picked up. Because I didn’t have any appointment scheduled. That I remembered, anyway.

It was some medical group. I asked with whom the appointment was.

“Brenda? Or maybe Lynn,” the woman said.

And then I asked what it was they did at this place.

“We’re a med spa. We do botox, vein removal, skin care..”

I laughed.

“I don’t understand why you’re laughing. I’m just calling to confirm an appointment.”

I couldn’t explain to her why the idea that I could have an appointment at a med spa was so funny. I sat in my messy house with one child engaged in homework hell and the other two bickering over whose spot was whose on the couch. The dishwasher needed to be unloaded and the dirty dishes were already lined up like planes on the runway at LAX. I was downstairs so I could pretend there weren’t two baskets of laundry in my room ready to be put away.

And? I hadn’t had a pedicure since before New Year’s, and when you live in SoCal, you have to constantly apologize for the state of your toes when you’re at Target in flip flops. December was also the last time I had my hair done which explains why I now wear a hat most days. I had just gotten a lip and brow wax, but that was only because I was getting food caught in my ‘stache.

So, yes, the idea that I could sneak away for a lil’ wrinkle removal injection or a laser facial was, frankly hilarious.

To me. I was alone on that, though.

There was a teeny part of me that hoped maybe someone had surprised me with such an appointment. For a brief, joyous moment, I dreamt of a Fairy SpaMother who would swoop me away to the land of soft voices and botulism in the forehead.

Instead, it was just a computer glitch.

I told her I thought it was super creepy that she had my name and unpublished phone number and then she said they’re affiliated with an eye care center that I’d scheduled an appointment with last year. Apparently, they somehow pulled up my name.

I hung up the phone. One kid was still whining about his math homework and the other two were now smacking each other.

Awesome. What else could I do but laugh?

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26 Responses to “Fairy SpaMother”

  1. angela Says:

    March 5th, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Oh how I wish you had a Fairy Spamother. And that you would have sent her to me next :)

    You should get a free treatment just for the dashed hopes they caused.
    angela recently posted..When Safety Trumps Second Chances


    Cheryl Reply:

    Seriously. I should’ve just showed up to the appointment! Of course, I was instead playing catch with Sawyer for an hour during Sage’s softball practice during that time..


  2. Cameron Says:

    March 5th, 2012 at 9:47 am

    See? I might have considered taking the appointment, especially if it was on some computer glitch’s tab…
    Cameron recently posted..The Story Circle, Series 2: Making of the Shrew


    Cheryl Reply:

    Believe me. I considered..


  3. Anna Says:

    March 5th, 2012 at 10:35 am

    please, please, please, let’s all join together to wish for a fairy spa mother. it seems only fair, right?
    Anna recently posted..Annie Returns to Broadway this Fall!


    Cheryl Reply:

    if we wish hard enough, it could happen! Right? RIGHT?!?!?!


  4. Brittany Stewart Says:

    March 5th, 2012 at 10:46 am

    I could definitely use a fairy spa mother right now.
    We do live such glamorous lives.
    Brittany Stewart recently posted..Experiments for Kids – Make an Anemometer


    Cheryl Reply:

    I could use one too. Believe me. And I was sooo close..


  5. TheKitchenWitch Says:

    March 5th, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Ooooh, the Botox Fairy! There should truly be one of those, right?
    TheKitchenWitch recently posted..Identity Crisis


    Cheryl Reply:

    She could flap her fluttery wings and stick a needle into the worry lines in the middle of my forehead. Wouldn’t that be awesome?


  6. Arnebya Says:

    March 5th, 2012 at 11:51 am

    I am laughing at you laughing because seriously, how can you not laugh?
    Arnebya recently posted..Deviating from the Usual


    Cheryl Reply:

    Otherwise, we’d cry!!


  7. Andrea (PARENTise) Says:

    March 5th, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Made me laugh my butt off. I would totally have had hopes that would have been dashed as well. But – now you’ve got me thinking – I’ve been wanting to try dermabrasion…
    Andrea (PARENTise) recently posted..Parenting Issue: To Call or Not to Call the Police


    Cheryl Reply:

    Wish really really hard for the fairy spa mother! :)


    Andrea (PARENTise) Reply:

    I’m wishing…and wishing…and wishing…
    Andrea (PARENTise) recently posted..Parenting Issue: To Call or Not to Call the Police


  8. Jen Says:

    March 5th, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Aw, that is sad. I really wish there was a Fairy Spa Mother who also provided babysitting.

    Yeah, that would be awesome.
    Jen recently posted..Call Your Children


    Cheryl Reply:

    Oh yes! Babysitting! She would have to. Being a fairy spa mother and all..


  9. Katheryn F. Says:

    March 5th, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    That is too funny. How many times can you get a call from someplace you didn’t call?? That really made me chuckle, because right when I read this, my 2 girls were arguing and my other one peed her pants (potty training at its best).

    Katheryn F.
    Katheryn F. recently posted..Homemade Sidewalk Paint


  10. John Says:

    March 5th, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Just call you Monana Gellar.

    Med spas are the stuff of my nightmares.
    John recently posted..Where I ponder the upcoming blogsiversary


    Cheryl Reply:

    really? i think I could go to one and emerge 10 years younger. That’d be awesome!


  11. Kir Says:

    March 5th, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Ahhhhh A FAIRY SPAMOTHER….my favorite kind of mama!!!!

    I wish I had time for spas and pedicures and facials lately. I do delight in my every 5 week haircuts but other than that…I’m craving a very quiet room with soft lighting, light rock music and heavenly scented towels :)
    Kir recently posted..Just Be Enough: Finishing What I Started: Gathering Buttercups:


    Cheryl Reply:

    Oooh…scented towels….


  12. tracy@sellabitmum Says:

    March 6th, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Maybe for our 45th birthdays we can go get some botox together. Good times my friend.
    tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Jesus Would Never Block My Sidewalk…


    julie gardner Reply:

    Me, too! Me, too!

    (But I have to ask: Vein removal? Don’t we need our veins?)
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me stranded


  13. Jenni Chiu Says:

    March 8th, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Ahhhh, a Fairy Spamother. Do you think if I pluck a hair from my bikini area and put it under my pillow she’ll come??
    Jenni Chiu recently posted..Why I’ll never quit blogging.


    Cheryl Reply:

    Good Lord this made me laugh!

    Also, did you try it?


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