At least you tried
by Cheryl, posted on June 21st, 2011 in Just me
It sits in your stomach like a cold hard rock. Burns your eyes with tears you try so very hard to keep inside. Slumps your shoulders with the weight of it.
Disappointment.
As mothers, we don’t expect much for ourselves. We save our hopes and dreams for our children. We want everything for them. We don’t live through them, but we live for them. We do. When they are happy, we are over the moon. When they are sad, our hearts break.
But what about us? As women? What about what we’d like for ourselves?
You see something you’d like to do – something just for you.
It could be something small, like entering a blogging contest. Or possibly it’s much bigger, like applying to college or going after a job.
You can hardly believe it, but you decide why not? And you go for it. You begin to fantasize about what it would mean if you actually got what you wanted.
You hang onto hope like it’s a brightly-colored helium balloon. You float along – you’re nervous and excited and it’s all sort of thrilling.
Until you find out.
You didn’t make it.
You weren’t picked, someone else was hired, your application was rejected.
You don’t know why.
Were you not good enough? Not qualified? Over-qualified?
Did they just not like you?
So you sit with your disappointment and listen to the voices that drown out the ones from those who love and support you. You only hear the ugly internal whispers about how you knew this would happen, how you were so arrogant to even think you had a chance, why did you even bother?
Then you look at your kids and you know exactly what you would tell them.
At least you tried.
At least you tried.
And you are so very, very proud.
Tags: disappointment, it hurts, life goes on, my brain needs ear plugs
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